03 July 2008

Fresh to Death

Oh my, it's been AGES. I apologize.
I've actually been inspired to update after a meeting I had for work last night. We talked about a lot of things last night, and I realized just how proud I am to work for that company. For instance, did you know the reason Lush isn't on the PETA list is because it exceeds PETA's standards? Or that we're developing palm-free soaps, and actually sharing the formula with other companies, so that palm isn't being used? Not many companies would do that. We talked a lot about minimal packaging, and the like. We also discussed new products [and oh boy, you guys are gonna LOVE them, I know I already do]. Also my manager, Kelly, brought a whole bunch of Retro Lush products and some of the new ones, and let us each pick four, it was awesome. I can't wait for our Retro Lush parties this weekend. I'm also excited for the changes we're going to be making at out store. I truly wouldn't want to work anywhere else. Oh! And Kelly and A.M. gave us spa treatments last night, like foot, hand, and face treatments. They're amazing. Truly.

Love.

20 May 2008

The Waterhorse

Steve came out today and we had SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!!!!!
I met him at the train station, and then we walked down to the lake and goofed off. We came back to the school and then we just hung out and watched random shit online and watched some movies and what not. I always have a good time with that kid. He's definitely one of my besties. For sho for sho.
Well I've got some work homework to finish, so peace out.

Love.

18 May 2008

Separating People From The Squares Like A Nicotine Patch

I get half off at Lush.
Who's everybody's new best friend? For reals.

This week is gonna be crazy busy, but I'm mega excited about it.
Lots of good things going on. Lots of visits and what not. Lots of work. LOTS OF WORK.
But that's okay, because that also means lots of monies. Which you can never have too much of.

Bleh, well I'm mega tired. So peace out.

Love.

17 May 2008

"Mm, You Look Like A Baby"

Alright, plan is to be in bed within the hour, and I still have a few things to do.
And I still have all of my Lush homework to do. Bleh, that's not gonna happen. I'll just have to get up early[ish].
Omg though, that job is AMAZING!!!!!!!!
Basically I hang out at Lush for a few hours. Not such a bad gig right?
The only thing is, it's a part time job, and this week I'm working 30 hours, but I think quite a few of those are training. According to my binder, I have eight training shifts. Craziness, no?
Next week I only have 20 hours though. But yay monies!!!!!
I'm excited. Well I've still got things to do.
I feel like I've got more to say, but I'm too tired to remember.

Love.

16 May 2008

All The Kids Are Rioting

WOOT WOOT, I got the job at Lush!
I start tomorrow, and yes I found out last night. Craziness.
Speaking of craziness... last night was so much. I finally met my Alex Love's boyfriend and he definitely has my seal of approval. Two thumbs, way up.
But yes, I got the job which is why I'm back at school, and now Jessy is on her way out here so I'm excited. I just don't know when I'm going to stop going. I feel like I never stop going, but I don't mind it. It all keeps me busy and keeps my mind away from other things.
But yes, this was the only free minute I had, so update woop woop.

Love.

15 May 2008

This Isn't Goodnight This Is Goodbye

Okay, probably the only time I have to update today is now. I have to clean and do the dishes [oh but Marissa didn't you JUST clean, like two days ago? Why yes, I did, but my roommate apparently could care less]. Ugh I have no energy, I think I'm just going to make multiple pots of coffee and that will be that. I need something to get me motivated. Sup caffeine?
Also, I have to figure out when I'm heading to DeKalb today. "The Office" finale is tonight and Kelly is probably going to want me here to watch it. But I'm also going to see Alex tonight. AND Mal and I are supposed to get together at some point tonight. Hmm... decisions, decisions. I guess Kelly won't really care if I'm not here. She hasn't been here to watch it the past three weeks, so what will make it different this week? She'll probably have sorority stuff.
Ugh I have such a stomach ache today since I ate SO MUCH yesterday. Bleh, I don't even want to think about food. AT ALL.
Alright, alright, I'm going to start cleaning, I'm going to start cleaning...

Love.

14 May 2008

Let It Snow Let It Snow Let It Snow

JESSY CAME OUT TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was so much fun. We did a lot of walking and such.
It was good to see her again.

Tomorrow I'm going to see my Alex love. I'm tres tres excited! This week is going to be busy but that's fine. I'd write more but I'm mega tired. Better update tomorrow.

Love.

13 May 2008

You're My E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G

I have my call back for Lush today, at 4. I'm really debating showering now or later. After already being out in public unwashed, it's a tough call. Blehhhhh I feel like I have more to do today than I probably actually do. I definitely have to mail my old phone back... [Yeah still haven't done that, I keep forgetting].

I'm really going back and forth with this whole going home and commuting to work this summer or staying in the city. I would just rather make sure I can afford it. I guess I'll find out after today. If they hire me as part time, even though I asked for full time, I plan on getting a second job. I mean I wouldn't give up working there for anything if they'll have me. And I hear they give nice bonuses sometimes. And that just sounds fantastic.

I don't know, I've been thinking of other ways to get money. It's rough. I really don't know how
kids next year plan on going to school full time, and then paying for a place in Lincoln Park, I don't care how many people you're living with. Especially since most of these people have no desire to get a job. I guess that happens sometimes.

I've also been thinking about looking into film once I come back to school. Kelly was saying I could do really well at it. My issue is [I've said it before, and I'll say it again] I can't necessarily see myself tied down to one thing for the rest of my life. I could definitely be a writer, because writing is something that allows for leisure, and when inspiration strikes. But like one constant job? No thank you. I've been thinking about a lot of things. Like when I come back, I can double major in like film and English. I've also been wondering if I should take classes on Journalism, possibly. I'm more interested in Fiction, except if I become a travel writer, I may been my degree in Journalism, hmm...something to look into I guess. I've also been reading up on Cosmetology and have talked to some people that took it in high school. Except I'm not so much interested in hair as I am makeup. Who knows? I can be extremely wishy washy. I'm really looking forward to be able to figure a lot of this out over the next year. Granted I still have about a month of school left. But I've felt extremely motivated lately. I finally feel like I'm regaining control in my life.

It's been really hard finding an apartment lately, but I'm confident that I'll find a decent one that I can afford. And honestly, I don't mind if they're small, but I require a decent sized kitchen. The one I have now isn't so bad, because it's open, but a lot of these are so cramped! I'm typically not claustrophobic, but just looking at some of these makes me hyperventilate. This one place I found, I'm thinking about getting the convertible instead of the one bedroom, seems perfect. It's downtown on Ohio, right by Lake Shore Drive, so it has a great view. My biggest issue is that it says it has a balcony, but I can't find one in the pictures, um hi, I'm a smoker. Oh well I guess if I go look at it, I'll see. There's a few places I saw. We shall see. The other issue with said place is that it is $$$$$$$. I mean I probably could afford it [and just live without cable or internet] but I would not have a lot of excess cash at the end of the month. But my family said they would help me out. But they probably wouldn't be able to help out too much. Gah! It's so hard being a big girl! I kind of want a big girl job, but I don't really know how to go about that, especially since I'm not done with school yet. In fact, I'm taking next year off.

I cleaned soooooooo much yesterday, I didn't get to the bedroom yet, or finish organizing my desk, or do the dishes, but I did clean the bathroom, and clean the dining/living area. So I'm quite proud of that. My goal for the day is to finish cleaning, take the garbage out, and do at least at least a few loads of laundry. I'm nervous about this trial run at Lush, so I guess this is all entirely possible. [I'm not a stress eater, I'm a stress cleaner]. I've also got a lot to plan, now that everyone is coming home, everyone wants to visit, I'm not quite sure how this is going to work if I get the job, but we shall see.

I feel like that's my mantra lately "We shall see." It always seems quite applicable to my life lately.

Anywho, Jessy is coming out tomorrow FINALLY. I think I'm going to go stay with Liss for a few days this weekend, like Friday to Monday or something. I know she could use the company right now. And I would really like to see Alex soon. Like real soon. I mean I have all of this gluten free food, and no Celiac to eat it. And she has my favorite Lush stuff. And we still have many many movie marathons to have. And I guess Kevin wants to come out not this weekend but next weekend.

Possibly my longest post ever.
Congrats if you have made it this far.
Without skimming.

Love.

11 May 2008

Is That A Fact?

Happy Mother's Day all.
I hope everyone called their mothers today.
Everyone should be grateful to have them around.

This weekend was INSANITY.

Massive drunken foolishness Friday and it was so much fun.
I spent most of Saturday with Kristy then I came back and just sort of chilled. It was nice.
Today I woke up late, got ready, cleaned the bathroom [ick] and then SAW MY LISSFACE!!!!!!!
She came over, we talked, then went to Argo and talked, then went and saw Shan. It was so great. I've missed her a lot. And I'm really glad she's finally back.

Well I'm beyond the valley of exhaustion and have to get ready for bed.

Love.

09 May 2008

I Can Charm Them All

Alright so VERY busy day today.
I was mega busy yesterday so I didn't get to update, and this is the only time I have today.

Yesterday I never stopped moving.
At 11 I had to shower and what not, then at 1 I met up with Michelle [student center, mail, bank, MetroPark, Ulta, Jimmy John's, Sephora, Victoria's Secret] after I got back Becky wanted to go look at an apartment, then I had to henna my hair [which didn't even work, I think I'll have to leave it on longer next time] and then Kelly got home and I dyed her hair, then she wanted to try on our outfits for tonight and then I was exhausted and completely crashed.

Today is even more ridiculous, this is the only downtime I have. I have A LOT of cleaning to do, then I have to get ready, then job interview, then shower and what not, and then I have to head to the party. There's actually a lot more I have to do today, I would just be here all day typing it all out. Ughhhhhhhhh...

I'm really excited to see Steve tonight though, we've got plans, let me tell you...
Hahahaha.

I don't know if I'll have time to update again this weekend, but I'll try.

Love.

06 May 2008

Running on Bravado

It's such a beautiful day outside!
Michelle and I are going for a walk to Ulta in a little over an hour. I think it will be fun, I've never not had a good time on our walks. Even when I feel like I'll never be okay, going on walks with her always help.
I've actually gotten a lot done today too. Go me. I've got a busy weekend ahead of me, and an even busier weekend in the distance. But this weekend is going to be amazing. Except maybe Friday... We'll see I suppose.
I've just had so much going on, I feel like I'm finally getting back in control. It's a euphoric feeling. And apartment hunting is SOOOOOOOOOOOOON!! I cannot wait. And I'm completely available to go wherever in the city I choose, which is good.
I feel like today is going by so slowly. I just want it to be 3, oh shit I'm going to miss the Golden Girls. Oh well I'm sure I've seen those episodes like a million times at least.

Love.

05 May 2008

This Girl Will Always Find Her Way

Weekend please?

Party on Friday.
Jessy on Saturday.
Liss on Sunday.

Again, weekend please.

My mom came out yesterday and we went out, got lunch, shopped, talked. I got lots of new cute clothes. And I may have mentioned this already, but my other Bloc Party shirt FINALLY came. And I'm about to start laundry so I'll actually have clean clothes. Woot clothes.

I finally talked to Jessy about everything last night, we were on the phone for an hour and a half and she brought up a lot of really good points. Michelle, my mother, my father, and Jessy = geniuses. Truly.

I can't wait to talk to/see Liss. Oh I've missed her so. She's been kind of out of the loop on a lot of things, but not for long. And I win out over her mom, and Shan. Victory.

I'm finally feeling a bit more normal. The waves aren't as bad. I said right on.

Oh, and my boo called me today, then subsequently hung up on me, not on purpose, but still.

Love.

03 May 2008

If You Feel A Little Left Behind

Second Bloc Party shirt came today.
Victory.

Had breakfast with Becky.
Lunch with Amanda and Jen.
Mom's coming out tomorrow.

02 May 2008

Two More Years

In two more years, my sweetheart, we will see another view
such longing for the past for such completion
What was once golden has now turned a shade of grey
I've become crueler in your presence

They say: 'be brave, there's a right way and a wrong way'
This pain won't last for ever, this pain won't last for ever

Two more years, there's only two more years
Two more years, there's only two more years
Two more years so hold on

You've cried enough this lifetime, my beloved polar bear
Tears to fill a sea to drown a beacon
To start anew all over, remove those scars from your arms
To start anew all over more enlightened

I know, my love, this is not the only story you can tell
This pain won't last for ever, this pain won't last for ever

Two more years...

You don't need to find answers for questions never asked of you
You don't need to find answers

dead weights and balloons
drag me to you
dead weights and balloons
to sleep in your arms
i've become crueler since i met you
ive become rougher, this world is killing me

we cover our lies with handshakes and smiles
we try to remember our alibis
we tell lies to our parents he hide in their rooms
we bury our secrets in the garden
of course we could never make this love last
i said of course we could never make this love last
the only love we know is love for ourselves
we bury our secrets in the garden

27 April 2008

You Don't Need To Find Answers For Questions Never Asked Of You

That is probably one of my absolute favorite lyrics from a Bloc Party song [and I've got a lot].
But I think that's how I am about a lot of things. I don't understand why people go looking for answers all of the time. If there is no question, why bother seeking out an answer? I do it sometimes, I look for answers within non-existent questions. I don't know, just an observation. Nothing specific, I've just been thinking about it a lot. Maybe I'll get a tattoo for it. Haha.
So this weekend has been so nice and relaxing. You have no idea. I've just hung out, watched movies, done homework. I really couldn't ask for anything more. Sometimes it's nice to just take a break like that.
I really don't have too much to say today, granted it's only like 4.30, but hopefully I'll have a real update or something tomorrow.
There's always something going on with me, who am I kidding? Haha.

Love.

26 April 2008

There Is A Wall That Runs Right Through Me

It's been a while, I know, I had some things to figure out. And I did, for the most part. I'm not as bitter as I was.
What fixed it was Tuesday.
Tuesday Michelle and I went out, on one of our walks, and I decided to surprise her with Swirlz. Well we went, then decided we wanted to keep walking, and ended up at Oz Park, which turned into us wanting to go to the beach. We walked for a while then found this park by the Lincoln Park Zoo and played there for a while, then we went to the Zoo, and then walked to the beach.
There was a moment there where I felt like everything was perfect. I've never really felt that way before, I was so relaxed and calm. I was so content with everything.
After we kept walking, and walked along Michigan Avenue on the hunt for a Panera, then we went to the MCA Store, and I found the most amazing thing in the whole world. We couldn't find a Panera over there, so we got on the El, and found the one over by the train station. We came back, and it really was the perfect ending to a perfect day. Honestly, it was exactly what I needed, and it felt so good.
Getting back to DePaul kind of sucked. I'm really sort of over this place. I don't know, I require change, and the thought of being here three more years really makes me nervous. And kind of sick to my stomach. Don't get me wrong, it's a great school, but... I'm just sort of over the area. I know this campus front and back, I'd rather have something different.
But that's a whole other issue.
I'm hoping to get my tattoo soon, so hopefully I'll have pictures of that within the next week or so.
I'm just so obnoxiously optimistic today, thank goodness no one is here!
I don't know, I just woke up this morning feeling so good about everything. Again, not really something I can explain. I can never really explain myself, but it's not really a fault. At least, I don't think so.
I am distancing myself from certain things which helps, I finally feel like I know what I want in my life, which is an amazing feeling.
Well I think it's time to dance around like an idiot in my rooms to get rid of some excess energy.

Love.

22 April 2008

Keep Your Secrets Secret.

Have you ever realized that you don't need as many people in your life as you have? And then you start to think about how you've made it without them? You don't really need them around.
I've been stressing so hard about not being able to get a hold of one of my friends, which is what I think triggered my breakdown the other night, and now I realize, why bother getting so worked up about it? There's really nothing to worry about if they don't care, or at least put forth an effort. You can't get upset about it because if they won't try, why should it matter? You obviously don't need them in your life to begin with, especially if all it seems to do is stress you out.

Ah, it felt good to get that out there.

Anywho, yesterday Michelle and I went for smoothies, then later, we went for a walk. We went to Lush on Armitage, then we went to Argo. It's becoming our routine, Lush and Argo hahaha. I like it. Today I think we should go to Swirlz, well it's what I'm hoping. I can't see her saying no. They're cupcakes for crying out loud!
Michelle really helped to cheer me up yesterday, even though we didn't really talk about much, we just sort of walked around and talked about other things. I liked it. Then again, I've decided to keep all of this to myself, so... it's okay. I'm glad I have her here.
AND OMG KELLY IS AWESOME IN HUMAN FORM.
Last night she got me Coldstone and we watched a lot of Degrassi. It was amazing and we were cracking jokes and I felt somewhat like my normal self. I love her to pieces. Even if she's messy. She's still the greatest roommate in the whole world.

Love.

21 April 2008

Out Of My Mind

I need to get out of my head.
I just want to completely disconnect from everything and everyone.
It's one of those things that's easier said than done.
I know this, yet I'm still going to try. It's all mind over matter. I guess that's how it is with most things. To give anything up, you have to have immense amounts of will power. It's time to test that, my will power, I need to know how much I have.
To just completely disappear for a while I think would be good for me. I'm still going to keep up with this blog though, writing is cathartic. And even if I do this, I'm not completely gone. People who know about this, which isn't that many I suppose, but they'll know I'm still around. I'm just taking a break, for how long? Who knows? Just for a while, until I get everything straightened out. I just can't deal with it all right now. It's not good for me.
I've signed off of AIM and Skype indefinitely. I probably won't even check facebook as much. I've tried giving that up completely but I only made it like 4 days. So we'll see with that one, but I'll do my best. I don't even know if I'll answer my phone for anyone. Not even my dad, I just don't want anyone to see or hear me like this. Why bother? No one needs to worry about me. I'm not.
I just need a break for a while. That's all.

20 April 2008

But I'd Rather Not Be Seen

I went for a walk with Michelle and Kristy today.
We went to Border's and Whole Foods.

Earlier I watched "Garden State."
It's such a good movie.
I applaud Zach Braff for making it, he plays such a happy go lucky person on "Scrubs" so it's always good to see different sides to actors. You would never guess that he had such issues with depression.

Depression is a strange thing isn't it? With some people it's so apparent when they're depressed, with others, you wouldn't really know would you? I think part of it is that most people want to turn a blind eye when people are depressed, whether it is purposeful or not. What I mean by that is you can think a person is depressed and choose not to acknowledge it, or you are so wrapped up in yourself that you simply don't see it. Instead, most people assume that it will just go away, which it typically does. Just not all the time. And most of the time, people have no idea why they are depressed, which makes it tricky. I mean, how can you help a person if they don't even know what's wrong? Most of the time when people are depressed, they don't even want help. They don't want people to know, but depression can be hard to hide. Then you have depressed people that are really good at masking it, sometimes, you would never know. I'm being redundant, aren't I?

19 April 2008

Nothing Comes For Free

OMG Alex and I saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" last night.
Everyone and their mother needs to get on that shit. Seriously, SO amazing.
I had really high expectations for it, and it absolutely exceeded them. I was so impressed. Even the soundtrack was badass.

I just ran to Taboo Taboo with Amanda because her and I haven't done anything in forever. I love her too much, we had so much fun. And we went to Potbelly's for lunch. Oh so good.

I'm still skype creepin on Liss because I haven't talked to her in what feels like ages and I just want her to come home. For reals.

DUDES the effing plumber still hasn't come to fix our shit, it's really pissing me off. I just want to shower. Ughhhhhhhhh. It's killing me.

I would seriously give anything for a day with absolutely nothing to do.
But then again, I guess I wouldn't have anything to write about.

Love.

17 April 2008

Live The Dream Like The 80s Never Happened

Well today I really wanted to get up early so I could get more done, but that really didn't happen, but hopefully now it will. I have a to do list about a million miles long, so hopefully I can work it all out. I've got so much to do!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well, I have faith in myself, I can do it. Hopefully I can get everything done between today and tomorrow so I can just take it easy this weekend. Or clean. Probably clean, unless by some miracle I get that done within the next couple of days. Ha! Yeah right...

I'm really considering laying low for the rest of the weekend, I'm just so overwhelmed lately, you know? I feel like everyone has just been... I don't know... I love my friends but... Whatever. I say it but the odds of me meaning it are slim.

I'll probably just creep on Skype and wait for Liss to come on since I haven't talked to her in ages. And I miss her. And I just want her to come home. Lately I go to my phone, look at it, and realize I can't call her, because she's off in the jungle. It depresses me like you don't even know. I just want her home. Now. Ugh.

I've really got to stop being such an emo crap face.

Love.

15 April 2008

A Snowflake

I'm having issues with everyone else getting done with school so much earlier than me, I feel like I'm almost done so I'm getting lazy. But I definitely have like two more months left. Ick.

You know what I'm discovering a major pet peeve of mine?
When people try to be you, like not just emulate, but basically trying to turn into you.
It baffles me. Find yourself, and stick with it. I mean you can have things in common with people, but there's a limit you know?

Oo, one of my Bloc Party shirts came in the mail today. YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited, I can't wait to wear it. AND I have another one coming soon hopefully, like tomorrow. Oh it makes me so happy!

I've been mega sick lately, and I feel like there is no end in sight. Bleh. Oh well. It will be gone EVENTUALLY.

I have so much I was supposed to get done today, and I haven't even gotten half of it done. So I should probably get back to it.

Probably.

Love.

11 April 2008

Money to burn, money to burn, money to burn

So I went shopping yesterday (2 days ago now?) and I bought ridic amounts of fun stuff at Ulta. It's so easy to spend money there. Seriously. I got a ton of new makeup and stuff, and I bought new hair dye, so that will (hopefully) be happening soon. Probably next week, I talked to Becky and now Amanda wants to help. We're talking about going to Taboo Taboo (my fave sex shop... which is currently hiring...hmmmm...) and then dying my hair, it should be good times. And I'm finally getting my hair cut next week, at Ulta. Goodbye money.
AND I found a waxing place in Lincoln Park, which is apparently the BEST in the city, so adios dinero. Oh well, I'll have a job soon so it will be okay.
Also, I woke up this morning will total lack of voice, I seriously sound like my 13 year old brother, if he were about to cry. Madness. Came out of nowhere I feel like.
Well I only have time for a quick update, time to get back to my insomnia, peace out.

Love.

08 April 2008

Play It Cool Boy, Play It Cool

I've got a busy day ahead of me tomorrow. Well actually more of a busy afternoon/evening. Ho hum. It's alright I guess, I'll just have to spend the morning doing homework. Yippee...
I've still got a million and two things to do tonight, but that's fine.
Tomorrow I have to go to class, then I'll have like an hour or so to kill, then I'm meeting Kristy and we're heading to Ulta so I can pick up some stuff and then we'll meet Michelle at the bookstore, and then shopping, WOO, and then I'll probably head back here, then homework.
Kristy and I also have to get Michelle's birthday gifts, which we are having issues making time for, but I think we'll be fine. Hopefully Thursday or Friday or something, we'll see. Oo, I just remember new Office on Thursday, FINALLY.
Yikes, I also have to get birthday cards: Aunt Lisa, Mikey, my mommy, and Auntie Carol. I already got Michelle's so that's good. I've got a lot going on this week.
Oh well, it's fine...
I like being busy, it makes me forget about things, I just get focused on getting specific tasks done on time.
But for now, it's back to reading...

07 April 2008

Wake Up Dreamer, It's Happening Without You

I'm sending my resume into Lush today, and I REALLY hope I get the job. Shan says I was made for it, but let's just hope the manager feels the same way.
I also can't wait for this summer. Seriously, CANNOT WAIT. In June: Bonnaroo, July: Pitchfork, and August: Lollapalooza. Which just brings more emphasis to the job situation.
But it's also looking more and more like I'll be living in the city this summer, in my own place. This simultaneously scares me shitless and and excites the hell out of me.
This week is going to be INSANE, I have a ton of homework, a ton of appointments, and a ton of phone calls to make. WOO, I won't be too social for a while.
Well sort of, I'm sure I'll go work out with Kristy or something. A lot. I'm getting that itch again.
And I'm really feeling good about things, more than usual. I feel really optimistic, and like things are really falling into place.
I like control.
And I feel ready to walk away from a lot of the relationships I have with some people, which I think will be endlessly healthy for me, and I'm also ready to let some people back in.
I've had a good week, and I realized a lot about myself.
The thing that scares me about getting a job is that I might not be able to see people as much, but I figure if I get my own place, that may work out a lot better.
I've really been pushing myself lately, but in a good way, I don't know if it's the weather or what, but I've been really social and going out a lot more than I typically would. And it's been working out really well.
Oh and can I just say, Bloc Party at Lollapalooza... Dream come true. I'll be the one screaming "KELE!!!!!!!!!!!!" and dancing like a buffoon.

Bad habits.
We all have them.
Some of them are obvious, others aren't as easy to see.
I smoke, but I have so many other demons lurking below, and one of them seems to be creeping back up.
But it's a rush and I'm excited, and I've found someone to partake with me.
Hoorah for guilt free.
Keep those complements coming.

31 March 2008

Two Riders Were Approaching.

It's the first day of a new trimester, the last trimester of my first year at DePaul.
It's hard to believe, it's all been going by so fast.

This time around I have: Math, Plato's Republic, Art History, and Historical Concepts. Note that I am an English major and I have no English classes. Oh the joys of being one of the last Freshmen to register. Oh well, I'll make up for that later I guess. I may take a couple of courses over the summer, I haven't really decided yet.

Oh I've got about a million things to do today, but lately I've been real good at getting things done when I say I will, so yay me.

I also may have a job soon which will be fab. A steady flow of income would make me endlessly happy.

What doesn't make me happy? The fact that "I'm Not There" does not come out on DVD until May 6th. And I was going to pre-order it on Amazon, but who knows what Border's will do with it? Oh well, a little more than a month away. I can handle it, I can handle it.

Love.

22 March 2008

Hot Fcuking Commodity.

I know this sounds vain or whatev, but maybe I should stop being so awesome and lovable.
Maybe.
Probably not.

Bleh, so I'm back in Lompton now, and then I have to head back to Chi-Town tomorrow after family Easter festivities, then I head to Wisconsin on Monday after taking care of a bunch of mess at school. DePaul is a bit messed up but I'll get it all taken care of. Hopefully. Yikes.

My mother and I are actually getting along while I'm here, it's nice. Nobody better fuck that up haha. I mean I guess we can only handle each other in small doses. And I've been having a fab time with my [favorite] little bro Ryan. Yeah I play favorites, whatev. But even my teen angst ridden brother Mikey and I have been getting along. I gave him new music, so I think that's what did it haha. Oh well, bribery if it works right?

I've been working on a bunch of mixes for peeps, I love it. It's prob one of my fave things ever.

I should probably try to get to sleep seeing as I have to help my mother hide eggs in the morning, but it's not yet eleven so we'll see how that goes.

Love.

20 March 2008

I Don't Love You, So Come Love Me

So I've done about a million things today so I could go home tonight, and now I'm not.
Awesome.
I'm going back to Lompton tomorrow instead, so definitely a hectic day tomorrow too.
Oh well.

I really need to buy "Waitress," ever since I watched it with Alex, I want to watch it all the time. And I need "Atonement" too. Actually, come to think of it, there's lots of movies I want.

Cut to me desperately needing a job. I for real have got to get on that.

I'm also hella sad, I don't know when I'm going to see Alex again [I get emo over two days without her] and I'm going to be at my house until Easter, then I'm at my dad's until Thursday, then I'll finally back and she'll be in Buffalo. BITCH. Haha, I kid, sort of...

Blehhhhhh, okay now what am I supposed to do with myself now that I've gotten everything done? [For the most part].

Aw I had a meeting with my fave English professor today, I'm really going to miss her but apparently she's teaching another class next fall, so I'm going to be all over that. She also gave me her copy of "Wuthering Heights," aka my favorite book of all time since mine was falling apart. Oh how I love her.

Love.

17 March 2008

No Diggity, No Doubt

So I'm pretty sure tomorrow is officially going to be the busiest day ever, but that's cool. I guess. It'll keep me busy, and from thinking of other things. So I'm down.

I have some stuff to do before bed [maybe for once I will get more than the 1 and half/ 2 hours I've become used to, 3 has been FANTASTIC lately] and then I need to make my little list/ schedule for tomorrow [HELLO OCD]. Oh well, I feel like I will be determined tomorrow. Maybe I'll make a special playlist on iTunes, that always seems to help.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Awesome story, last night Tyler was iming me and I told him how Ben's roommate John thinks Tyler and I are soulmates and, he agreed, and we were just talking about things, and I should add that this conversation began with an arguement as to whether or not I am a perv, and then he said that everyone is a little sex obsessed, but ANYWHO he said the greatest thing ever to me after I told him about the soulmate thing, and he said, "Awww we would be a cute sex obsessed couple." I know it sounds ridiculous, but it seriously makes me endlessly happy. This is not the Tyler I know, but I LOVE it! Haha, does this make me a perv? Oh well.

So I've been obsessing over Klaxons and The Rapture lately, like nobody's business. Currently, I have the Klaxons' cover of the song "No Diggity" [yeah remember that gem?] on repeat. It's amazing. They're amazing. Eeeeep! It makes me so happy. Yikes but I still have a lot to do, which is the perk of insomnia, I basically get everything done that I need to. My mother's worried about it, but I don't know what I'd do without it. I'd never get anything done. Ever.

Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but oh well.

Bleh, alright alright, time to finish some stuff and attempt sleep. Adequate amounts of sleep. As in more than three. Honestly though, I don't know what I'd do with myself if I got five or six. Maybe self destruct. Who knows?

Love.

14 March 2008

I Love Jason Mraz.

This happens at least once a month, I become obsessed with Jason Mraz all over again.
It usually lasts two weeks [so yes if you do the math, sometimes this happens all month long].
And it's happening now.
He will forever be my favorite musician of all time. Yes I love Bloc Party and Something Corporate, but Jason Mraz will always be number one in my heart.

And can I just say...UTI's SUCK. I cannot wait until this stupid thing goes away.

I went to the hospital Monday night and it was AWFUL.
They didn't know what was wrong with me and basically took a stab in the dark with the UTI meds, and it's safe to assume they were right.

But I did get to go stay with my Alex love for a few days. It was fab.
I honestly love that girl so much, she makes me so happy.
We watched A TON of movies. It was ridiculous. We almost had death by film.
Oh and I learned at night, she is a super hero with obscenely large breasts.
Oh, it's true.

Blehhhhhhhhh one more final to go!
I have to figure out what I'm doing tonight, because I honestly have no clue.
Boo.

Love.

10 March 2008

Wake Your Eyes, Cause The World's Still Turning

This morning I woke up.
Except I really WOKE UP.
Feeling shiny new.
I woke up a new person this morning and I can't explain it.
Maybe it was the talk Kelly and I had last night, I can't really say for sure.
But I woke up this morning feeling more clear, and more aware of everything.
I wish I could explain it, really I could.
I just feel like I'm in the beginning of something, something bigger than me.
I'm trying to figure it all out, but I feel good about it.
I'm re-prioritizing, and it feels good.
Little changes are making me more optimistic.
Who knows how I'll feel at the end of the week, or tomorrow for that matter, but either way, I'll take it right now.
I don't know, something's different and I suddenly feel more in control.
There's a lot that's about to change, and I think a lot of it will be scary, but at this moment, I feel ready to face it, head on.

Love.

08 March 2008

I Am Finally Waking Up

It's been a while, a long while.

There's been a lot going on, but I'm finally getting things on track.
Things have def been mega crazy lately but I'm feeling good about it.
I mean you're only young once right?

I've got some stuff to get done this weekend but we'll see.

So my insomnia is definitely back with a vengeance. I've been averaging around three hours of sleep the past few weeks. Awesome.

Love.

19 February 2008

He's Gonna Spit His Blood All Over The Dope White Walls/ You're So Sweet

This is how I feel right now:

"Promises Like Pie-Crust"

Promise me no promises,
So will I not promise you:
Keep we both our liberties,
Never false and never true:
Let us hold the die uncast,
Free to come as free to go:
For I cannot know your past,
And of mine what can you know?

You, so warm, may once have been
Warmer towards another one:
I, so cold, may once have seen
Sunlight, once have felt the sun:
Who shall show us if it was
Thus indeed in time of old?
Fades the image from the glass,
And the fortune is not told.

If you promised, you might grieve
For lost liberty again:

If I promised, I believe
I should fret to break the chain.
Let us be the friends we were,
Nothing more but nothing less:
Many thrive on frugal fare
Who would perish of excess.

--EBB

This is how I feel right now.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to think.
Do we go back to what we were?
What were we to begin with?

"Your former lover is leavin, chekin out not comin back the downtown trains have taken [her] screamin all down the track, there is a terrible taste on [her] tongue from the chemicals. [She's] gonna spit [her] blood all over the dope white walls.....You're so sweet, I wanna cry." --JR

17 February 2008

Now I Am That Funky Soldier, And I Shall Be Free

It's been a while, I know, I'm a horrible person.
Actually that's a lie, I'm awesome.
There's a lot to be said here:
First of all I realized I NEVER said what my favorite albums of 07 were, so...
1)Bloc Party- A Weekend in the City
2)Lily Allen- Alright, Still
3)Amy Winehouse- Back to Black
4)Kanye West- Graduation
5)M.I.A.- Kala
6)Timbaland- Shock Value
7)Tegan & Sara- The Con
8)Fall Out Boy- Infinity on High
9)Britney Spears- Blackout
10)Cobra Starship-Viva La Cobra!

Best Song of 07: "Flux" by Bloc Party

Best Soundtrack: "I'm Not There"

Say what you will about it, I will stand by it. Every last one of them.

Secondly, NIU...
I'm not going to say a lot about it, because I'm still in shock over it, but, two of my best friends go there. This whole thing hit waaaaaay too close to home. Northern isn't that far from where I'm from, and where I live now. It's scary to me.
A year ago, if you would have said "school shooting" to me, I would have thought three things: Columbine, high school, and personal.
And then Virgina Tech happened.
Then all of a sudden, I felt like it was following us.
It feels like every week, it's something new. And it's not high school anymore, it's college. It's not personal anymore, it's random. I just don't understand what's going on in this world.

If anything would have happened to Billy or Alex, I honestly don't know what I would do.

Oh, and my mother got engaged.
And she's been engaged for two weeks now, and has made no effort to tell me.
Welcome to my life.

Oo and I dyed my hair!
It's light brown/red/fab.

Love.

04 February 2008

I Was 19.

So yesterday, instead of watching the SuperBowl and getting homework/studying done, Michelle and I made cupcakes.

These are just some of mine.

Some of Michelle's.

I definitely have more to say, but I also have a midterm tomorrow. So after that, I will post a real post.

28 January 2008

Times They Are A-Changin...

So everyone should go see "I'm Not There," it was sincerely the most amazing movie I've seen since "Green Street Hooligans." Anyone who knows me, knows that's me saying A LOT.
But I basically had the most amazing day yesterday. I love happy accidents.
I've been mega sick lately, and Alex came over to take care of me on Saturday. Sunday, I felt better, so we decided to go see "I'm Not There" but got on the wrong el line. So we ended up walking to a different theatre and saw "Atonement." It was mega good, but I'm glad I've read like half of the book, or I feel like I wouldn't have understood certain parts so well.
After that we went to Border's and wandered for a while. I got "Brokeback Mountain" and "Wide Sargasso Sea." Alex got a French magazine.
After that we were hungry so went to this place called Soupbox. Well Alex couldn't have any of the soups there, so they guys there felt bad, and gave her a free salad. They were mega nice and we ended up hanging out and talking to them for a while. The one guy called Alex a loser and I thought I was going to die of laughter. We plan on going and seeing them again. They were hilarious. But while we were there we decided to go see "I'm Not There" since there was another showing at 10.
So we saw it.
And I fell in love.
I really think you have to see "Velvet Goldmine" to appreciate it, but even so, if you like Dylan, you will like that movie. I couldn't get over it. I can't stop thinking about it, or listening to Dylan for that matter.
I really want the soundtrack. I need it.
But yeah, so we walked to the red line stop, and the last train was leaving as we were walking up. So we had to walk a few more blocks to the next station, but I liked it.
I adore walking around the city at night, no matter how creepy it is.
And Alex and Jenna brought me cupcakes on Saturday. I felt bad I didn't really get to meet Jenna, but I know there will be more chances.

Swirlz cupcakes cure illness, I'm convinced.
2 movies in 1 day.

Love.

25 January 2008

She's A Brick And I'm Drowning Slowly

I give up.
Congratulations universe, you win.

23 January 2008

Cause I Was Tired Of Lying

I am so sick! This is horrible, absolutely horrible.
I cannot stop getting headaches. I hope I am better by the GirlTalk concert on Friday, I'll feel real bad if I don't go. And I'll be very sad.
But Jessy said either way she is going to visit on Saturday, which is exciting.
I really want to see Alex this weekend too, I'm actually going to ask her to come stay with me the first weekend of February.
And I need to find a good weekend to stay with Jessy.
Basically, my weekends are gonna be mega full for a while.
But I still really want a job. Badly.
But first I need to stop being so sick. I feel terrible. My head is constantly pounding. I hate it, getting up is a hassle. Like me head feels like it weighs a million pounds. I am currently laying here, typing this, it's awkward haha.
Oo oo! I got a lot farther in "Atonement" today, I'm excited.
I haven't eaten anything except Wheat Thins today, so I think I'm going to try to order a sandwich from Uncle Sammy's. I really hope they're open. I'm SO hungry.

22 January 2008

Where Are We?

So this is about to be an obscenely long blog, I'm going to start with that, I can feel it already. I have so much to say and I only hope that I can get it all out.
Where to begin, where to begin?
Ok this past weekend, I was with my favorite Aunt (Lisa) and I had so much fun!
I spent time with my thirteen year old cousin, Sammi, she honestly reminds me of an exact mini version of myself, or at least me at thirteen. It's eerie.
But I had a really amazing talk with my aunt about a lot of things. She's honest, but in a sweet way. Honestly, she is exactly the type of woman I would like to be when I'm older. She's such an amazing mother, wife, and person.
We went shopping on Friday, and I shopped at Hollister for the first time. I got magenta skinny pants, for $9.90. Holla! I was mega excited, I got a lot of new clothes this weekend. I'm very happy. Oh and my aunt also bought my cousin and I the same Jonas Brothers shirt, hilarious. I actually wore my Jonas Brothers shirt and magenta pants today, complete with side ponytail, mainly because I could. Haha.
I also miss Alex.
Endlessly. It didn't really hit me until today. But I truly miss her.
I talked to her on the phone for like an hour today, and it made it worse.
I really miss her. A lot. *sigh*
Oo oo! So my cousin Michelle and I decided to go to Border's today, which turned into an amazing adventure. We ended up walking all over the city, and it was FREEZING, but we still had a good time.

So this is why I should never be allowed into Border's with vast amounts of gift cards and money.

Yeah, that's nine new books. I'm pretty excited, they're basically motivation to finish "Atonement" and "North and South." But If you look closely, "About A Boy" is an autographed copy. Yeah, I'm a nerd. Whatev. Haha. I honestly find myself updating my goodreads account more than facebook. It's an obsession.
I love reading more than anything. I need to find a job that suits this. ASAP.
I really do need a job, I want to work at Border's so bad, I probably should have checked to see if they were hiring. Zut alors!
Okay, on to the elephant in the room: Heath Ledger.
I am endlessly sad about this and feel like crying. I truly believe it was an accident, I think that he wouldn't do something like that in the middle of filming a movie, and more importantly, to his two year old daughter. And I think it's so sick that they took pictures and filmed video of his body leaving his apartment. Honestly, that's such a private matter, no one needs to see it. It's just so sad, they're making him out to be Anna Nicole Smith, when I think he should be compared to James Dean. Heath Ledger was only twenty-eight, he was gone too young. He was also an incredibly talented actor, I mean "Brokeback Mountain" anyone? Alex and I are going to watch it together and bawl our eyes out. *sigh* It's just all really upsetting.
Well I have a feeling I had more to say, but now I can't think of it.

17 January 2008

GO GO GO

Ok so I have about a million and two things to get done today, all before 1.15 pm. Haha yeah right...
I'm leaving to go stay with my (favorite) aunt and uncle for the weekend, I'm mega excited. Though they're mega Christian, which also makes me mega nervous, but oh well. I always have fun with them, they're crazy. And it freaks me out that my cousin Sam is thirteen, let me tell you. This girl is gorgeous, comes from a mega Christian family, and will probably be the one showing up at my doorstep one of the days because she's been kicked out or something crazy. Oh Samantha...
I really do have to go get stuff done now. So, here I go, maybe, perhaps, hopefully...
Oh oh! Before I forget, my digital camera is finally working again!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what happened, but it does, I took pictures of Kelly actually doing laundry yesterday. It was momentous.

15 January 2008

Resolutions...

I never gave my New Year's resolutions, so here goes...

+make dinner at least twice a week
+explore someplace new in the city once a month
+don't get hung up on the little things
+learn something new
+read more often
+keep a regular blog
+do something amazing

It's not a long list, but it's enough for me.
Wow, I'm so tired. I could not for the life of me fall asleep last night. I don't know why, I guess I'm kind of stressing out pretty bad lately.
I'm considering taking only 2 classes this trimester, but taking like 6 next semester, but I'm a little concerned about being considered a part time student, and losing my housing. We shall see.
Oo oo! I cleaned the kitchen and did the dishes today, I was so proud of myself. I still have to finish taking out the garbage. But it's still semi early. That and "The Office" is on, and I'm currently typing this during commercial breaks, so it's taking a while. I honestly do not know what I would do without this show, I'd probably feel like something was missing in my life.

My friend Carrie may come out and visit me tomorrow. That would be nice, I don't think I've seen her since Prom, so you know... I still haven't heard from my favorite Aunt about visiting this weekend, but I did get the birthday gift from her today. I'll put it this way: there's a reason she's my favorite. =] hahahaha.

You know what would be super fab? If my digital camera would start working again. I hate not having a camera. It makes me sad.

Oh boy, there's so much I still have to do tonight, I didn't even realize. But I did cross a whole bunch more off of my to do list today. I love when it gets smaller.

So I'm simultaneously reading two books, "Jane Eyre" and "Atonement." Anyone who knows me, knows I adore the Brontes, so you know. But I really wish "Atonement" would pick up, I really want to see the movie, but I want to read the book first, and my dear Alex LOVES it, so I am going to finish it. Soon.

That and she lent me two other books, and I'll feel real bad if I don't finish them in a good amount of time.

Ok, ok I'm going to finish some stuff up.

Love.

14 January 2008

Nineteen

So I turned nineteen a few days ago.
It's pretty exciting. My final year as a teenager, aka my final year to use "teen angst" as an excuse. It's also pretty strange because it has occurred to me that after this, I enter my 20's. Yikes. But I'm fairly optimistic for this new year, I want to accomplish so much in my life, and I'm finally feeling ready to get those things accomplished.
Oo I also am pretty excited about the money I should have by the end of the week, my last paycheck from work is finally coming in.
*excitement*
But I promise I'm going to be better at saving, and since I'm all stocked up on food, I really have no excuse to waste money. Even though I need new clothes, and could use a good spree at Border's. I really want to try to get a job there, I think it would be perfect.
I also really want to drop my philosophy class, but I'm scared I would be considered a part time student and I wouldn't be able to stay here with my Kelly. =[ sadness.
I'm going to call tomorrow to find out. Wow, there's a lot I need to get done. I wanted to today, but I'm beyond the valley of exhaustion. I did get some stuff done though, I love crossing things off of my to do list. It makes me feel good, and like I'm actually accomplishing things. But I have a ton of stuff left.
I could also really use some quarters. I need to do laundry like nobody's business. I still have underwear, but socks are starting to lack. Hmm, time to go shopping?